I’ve told this little story in person to some of my friends in the presence of Mr., whom I may refer to here as ‘The Offender’. The results are an instant visible separation drawn firmly along the lines of gender. Read it, and select your own response.
We had traveled to Nearby City to pick up wedding rings. We’d picked them out and left them to be engraved. I have to admit feeling a little strange, and things were even beginning to feel a little final. Having a concrete reminder in my hand that I was really going to say ‘I do’ for the rest of my life was in some aspects a tad overwhelming. However, I collected my thoughts, and decided to focus on this with a romantic eye.
The lady clerk at the jewelry store brought out our rings. I discretely paid for Mr.’s gold band. Then I tried to edge away a bit and let him alone while he paid for mine. I thought that was the thing to do. That is when I heard what he said to the lady as he started to pay his bill.
I distinctly heard him say, (Here is where he turns into The Offender), and I quote, ‘I’m tax exempt.’ With that he retrieved his billfold from his pocket, flipped it open, and nicely presented a card to the lady behind the counter. She smiled and replied, ‘I’m sorry sir, but that isn’t honored here. That’s for agriculture.’
This man, The Offender, smiled and said.... (Are you ready for this.. brace yourself!) ....I really heard him say, ‘Well, she is going to be part of my herd.’
It was at this moment that the very air seemed to be sucked from the jewelry store and the gender line was drawn. A woman in the store came charging over to him and gave him a small piece of her mind. I’m sure she had more that she could have said, but she did make a statement. The Offender called out for the jeweler to come save him, but being smarter than that, the jeweler stayed hidden from sight.
I know The Offender has a sense of humor. He does. I was wondering if this wasn’t stretching it a bit. I wasn’t at all sure I liked this less than romantic theme of being part of a herd. Too bad I’d paid for his ring, I thought. Trust me, he has heard about the herd from me.
Yes, I’ve told this story to friends. The reaction largely depends on gender, and is best told in mixed gender settings. There is the loud instant laugh. Guess which gender laughs. The other is eye rolling and an open mouth. I’ll bet you can guess that too.
I’m not sure if The Offender has secured his place in history with this comment or not. I’m thinking there is something about it that is classic. He may just win an award for it, but I’m not sure exactly what kind of award it would be.
At any rate, I think the votes are in that this isn’t what you should say when buying a wedding ring.
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